The Bionic Woman

When I was in 6th grade, I asked for the Jamie Sommers Bionic Doll for Christmas. I couldn't wait to get her! Oh, it was so fun to watch her run on the TV...You know, with her bionic legs and all. She was so beautiful, that Lindsey Wagner. I had the biggest crush on her that you could ever imagine. I NEVER missed a single episode of The Bionic Woman. I was nuts; nuts about the gal with the bionic ear .

I remember one time, while watching Jamie run across a field of wheat grass, her hair blowing gently in the wind, her plaid/flannel shirt blew open and I caught a glimpse of her bra. No joke. I was in childhood dyko heaven. I'll never forget that episode, even though I can't remember which episode it took place in. Does that make sense? It doesn't matter. Her Cross Your Heart will forever be etched in my mind.

The best thing about the Bionic Woman was that she always ran in slow motion. Do you realize that if it hadn't been shot in slow motion, I never would have caught that little glimpse of heaven? It would have passed me by like a fast locomotive on a warm spring day. But, as luck would have it, Jamie was always filmed running in slow motion. Hence, my lust for her grew and grew.

All the girls in my school were in love with Jamie Sommers. It was a natural phase that we were all going through. In fact, I bet every single chick that went to Friday Night Skating at the local rink wished that they were at home watching Bionic Woman re-runs. Yeah, we all had it bad for Jamie and her bionic dog Max. At least, that's what I thought. Wow, what a rude awakening it was after Christmas break that year when all of the other girls in my grade were gathered around 'Dina', the coolest chick in the upper grades, all drooling over her Six Million Dollar/Steve Austin action figure. They were talking about how cute he was; how strong he was; and how cool he looked with his bionic eye (no pun intended). I stood in the recesses of the crowd thinking, "Steve Austin?? They're drooling over him?"

"Wait," I pleaded, "Jamie Sommers is cute and strong and cool, too!"

"Eww!"

"No she's NOT!!"

"We love STEVE!!"

I stepped even farther back, away from the crowd, clutching my Bionic Woman action figure. I looked at her Bionic legs. I gazed lovingly at her plaid/flannel shirt. I felt like crying. I guess all of the other girls weren't wishing that they were home on Friday night watching Jamie Sommers run in the wheat grass, hoping to get another glimpse of her breasts. It was just me.

I looked at my doll and thought, "I guess you'll have to be my little secret."

I think of this story, and my love for Jamie Sommers quite often, you know, now that Lindsey Wagner is on TV every ten minutes selling Sleep Number Beds --she's #35, by the way! ;)

tags: humor, about me, Bionic Woman, Lindsey Wagner, sexuality, A Little Bent

©2005 Marcy_Peanut. All rights reserved.